feeling disconnected

I should have worn a dress today if I was going to be without my insulin pump. My Minimed 515 has been acting up for the last couple of weeks every time I try to prime it. Meanwhile, this morning I was supposed to take Rich to his doctor's appt and wait on him since we're using one car at the moment (another entire story and his to tell since it's his truck). I wanted to take five minutes to change my tubing before we left. 20 minutes later, we were running late for his appointment and I still didn't have a working pump.

According to the Minimed help desk, the sensor that tells the pump that it's done priming and ready to be used is damaged so it will never kick into the "ready to use" mode. I wasted a lot of insulin this morning trying to get it to work and came close to wasting a lot of tears about the whole thing.

I wrote just the other day that going without my insulin pump would be like suddenly cutting off your hair after spending years growing it out. But trying to get my pump to work again, I felt more short of breath than short of hair. I have come to rely on having that pump with me and working 24 hours a day and when it fails me I get a little panicky.

Thankfully, Rich's doctor appointment was in the same complex as my endocrinologist. After dropping him off, I was on their proverbial doorstep with a ziploc bag of medical supplies and a pitiful face. Dr. Saadeh came in the office about 5 minutes after I got there and told me how much Lantus insulin to take to last me until my replacement pump gets here tomorrow. I've been kicking it old school with syringes all day today and it's getting old. I've already had 2 cans of Coke today to "fix" my blood sugar because I can't dose for meals as accurately with the syringes. I'm grateful, though, for the free bottle of 24-hour insulin I hope to never need again before it expires and the helpful folks at my doctor's office who had me back in business by 8:15am.

But I may throw my arms around the UPS delivery guy when he shows up with my overnight package tomorrow.

no one here by that name

I grabbed the mail on the way inside this evening and was surprised to find a newsletter from my old high school addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Richard Surname. I know they're aware of our recent marriage since we had it on school grounds but I'm not sure how that implies that my alma mater - the prestigious private school my parents were still paying off loans for not so long ago - should send all correspondence to both of us now using only his name. I think I'll send them a note reminding them whose picture is in the yearbook from the class of '94.

just the bare necessities

I thought I had lost my blood meter this evening (or at least left it at home), which is a bit like saying I lost a finger or left it at home. After having a minor freak out at the restaurant near our house, I decided we would just make it an action item to look for my blood meter when we got home and then act accordingly. I can remember way back in college and grade school when I didn't check my blood sugars nearly as often as I do now and wouldn't worry if I couldn't tell you exactly what my readings were. I also wasn't on my insulin pump back then and didn't require math for my food intact, in addition to doing a lot more "zen glucose checking" where headaches meant high and shaky sweats meant low. I can still gauge my blood sugar by feel pretty well, but it can be hard to tell if you're having a 30 or 300 moment no matter how much self-awareness you may have.

It's funny how things become second nature. I remember my insulin pump feeling awkward and very much like an accessory when I first got it in 2000. Now it's more like having really long hair. I could adapt to not having it again if I had to, but I've grown used to maneuvering around it in the bed and when I get dressed and would feel very naked without it, much like clipping off all your hair after cultivating it for years.

At some point, I started carrying around this toolbox of supplies. The insulin pump, the glucose meter (with Advil, antibiotics, and birth control pills crammed in the same pouch), the separate container of phenergan just in case I get deathly ill on the road and eye drops for my unusually dry eyes all weigh me down. Add to that other necessities like dental floss and band-aids and I feel like I've got half the drug store in my purse at all times. I'm one step away from a diaper bag on my hip and I don't even have a kid needing diapers!

and I were talking a bit ago about things we have with us that make us feel more secure and I told her I never go anywhere without Macrobid antibiotics due to my chronic bladder infections. If I feel one coming on, two of those pills can make the difference in fending off an infection or going home in tears. She likened it to her Biofreeze gel for her back pain and that going without that is really like swinging without a safety net.

I'm sure I could survive without some of the crap I tote around all day, but I've really found these key items can make the difference in being miserable or being content. Are there things you can't leave the home without and has that list grown over the years?