Guest post: Sometimes things don't turn out the way we want

Due to the highly Google-able nature of her unique name, this post is listed as simply from K. I think that counts as an open letter without her potential clients reading all of this one day. :) September 20, 1977. dear ____. tomorrow i’ll meet you for the first time. you’ve asked a friend to point you out when you get off the bus. she’ll ask me what i think of you, and i’ll tell her, emphatically. he’s a dog. it’s going to break your heart enough that for the next five years you’ll dangle your soul in front of me to show me what i’ve missed. you’ll stretch out your hand and in it will be your heart, but every time i reach to take it from you, you’ll already be gone. it’s going to break my heart enough that for the next thirty years i’ll wonder how i could have let something so stupid fall out of my mouth. thirteen year-old girls aren’t often good with words. they don’t always say exactly what they’re thinking, mostly because they don’t know what they’re thinking . . . my words won’t tell you exactly how I feel.

I’d thought about you, but I wasn’t holding my breath and I wasn’t holding my life. I may have said a prayer or two, asked the universe to let you be ok, maybe slipped in a little does he think about me? does he know I’m here? But I wasn’t holding back my life waiting to see you again. California was calling, not you. I knew where you were, and it wasn’t somewhere I was willing to go. Remember? I washed dished, you dried, she put your daughter to bed. …sometimes things don’t turn out the way we want as you brushed your lips past my neck.

i’ll move away and ignore the letters you write. painstakingly perfect penmanship, words carefully chosen, eloquently expressed. thirteen year-old boys aren’t often good with words. they don’t always say exactly what they’re thinking, mostly because they don’t know what they’re thinking . . . your words will tell me exactly how you feel.

Twenty-one days to go and California was calling. I knew that morning I’d see you. A conscious thought, a feeling right between my ribs. An early visit to the cemetery, my mom and I. It’s been thirty-nine years, the first one gone. A hot, lazy, summer afternoon, mid-week in a quiet restaurant in a small Southern town. I actually watched you walk in, your head down, unrecognizable, and take a seat at the bar. I’m screaming inside where no one else can hear, he isn’t coming. he’s not here. California was calling.

when life is sailing along where i want it to be, you’re going to hold out your hand, and i’m going to reach for someone who isn’t there. late at night, needing water for your radiator so you can get home . . . you don’t live near me. fingers intertwined, laughing, pulling me down the street on your skateboard under the gaze of a dark summer sky, the streetlamp and my mother’s “five more minutes.” one quick kiss in the front seat of your old andy griffth car. a midnight call from a phone booth on the bay, a cancelled fishing trip, dialing my number, talking about nothing, inviting me to dinner. i’ll wash dishes, you’ll dry.

I looked up from my plate and locked eyes with the guy at the bar, and life stopped as slow recognition and an almost imperceptible smile spread across your face. The smile that makes your eyes shine. The smile that says to me 15 years, and there you are. We somehow met in the middle of a crowded restaurant but only two people were there, and you picked me up off my feet and you held me and you whispered in my ear, as your lips graced my neck, sometimes things don’t turn out the way we want.

Sometimes things happen once in a lifetime. Sitting on your bar with a glass of white wine, another hot summer day coming to an end, listening to Kid Rock sing All Summer Long. We both know there are only two days. Small talk, catching up the years, apologies for things I don’t remember, the way you guys treated us back then, all jokes and meanness. It wasn’t that bad. Me so sure I have every memory in place, every detail correct, you were confident, popular, fickle, indifferent. Our hands touch . . . and unexpected tears begin to flow for so many things I didn’t know, and I look out the window to the sun setting on the lake and realize everything I was back then and thought you were is cracking under the weight of what really was. I hold you, let you cry. Its not my turn. I’ll leave on Sunday, drive a mile or so, stop the car and let this out, cry with you for the guy I thought you were, the kid you should have been allowed to be. I’ll cry for the girl who didn’t see it for what it was, wrapped in her own selfish desires, that girl who’s hand kept missing yours. The funny thing is, as you stand in front of me, looking up at my face, your hands on my waist, that smile in your eyes, I apologize for calling you a dog. . . . and you don’t remember.

sometimes things don’t turn out the way we want.

But that doesn’t make the way they were any less precious, and sitting on your porch as the night wrapped itself around what would once again be too soon gone, I felt something I hadn’t felt in years . . . home.

backyard paths as openings through forests

trees green with the summer evening sun setting behind them.

darkness closing in but safety and belonging whisper their touch through the leaves

through the trunks

through the years

through the memories that turn out not to be quite what they seemed.

in the passage of time true feeling resonates

much stronger than the illusion we have come to know

and carried like letters of unfulfilled dreams.

now those pages hold more than words spoken by a boy longing for what he did not have.

they hold his heart, and in them too is mine.

Love, K

Webcam away! (and a reminder about the project deadline)

Things I have learned after installing this webcam at my office computer:

  • I have horrible posture.
  • I chew on my lips a lot when I'm concentrating.
  • I multi-task A LOT, so it looks like I'm not paying attention.
  • I need to get my roots done for my hair.
  • Holy crap, I'm pale and fluorescent lighting doesn't help that.
  • I don't sit still very much, so the the face tracking is handy.
  • I put my hands on my head when I'm talking/thinking

I'll have to work on my Amazon wishlist if I'm going to start using this web cam on a regular basis.

Don't forget! Sunday at 5pm is the deadline to submit your entry for the Living Out Loud Project. The theme is your Open Love Letter. Please don't disappoint me! I'll have to give the prize to Rich if he's the only one who participates simply because he's contractually obligated to play my games.

Stories from Denver: the adventures of "hi pockets"

I emailed my parents once we got to Denver this weekend and asked my father for some details on when he had lived there. All I know is that Daddy moved to Denver with his brother's family shortly after high school and eventually moved back to Norfolk in his early 20s. That period of my father's life seems a million miles away to me - a time when he wore jeans and white t-shirts instead of plaid button down shirts and flat-front khakis. These bits and pieces of my parents' lives come out over time. When I was in college and went skiing in West Virginia, I called to lament about how much I suck at skiing. My father mentioned that in Denver he had skied some black diamond slopes but never got much better than that. Here I was getting my ass kicked on the bunny slopes. It was my first memorable experience of realizing my parents have lives before I was born.

As an adult, I relish learning about my family's exploits from long ago. It brings to light so much of how the more things change the more things stay the same. Six months or so ago, Rich's parents came to visit us and we showed them the Wii. Over the course of that afternoon, we learned that Rich's father knows a hell of a lot more about bowling than we ever knew and that Uncle Tommy once managed a bowling alley. It was like a window into their youth. They're also much better bowlers than I am.

While waiting for the plane to take me home, I checked the weather and was shocked to learn it was 18 degrees F outside. I'm always cold and when I walked from the cab to ticketing I didn't even need my hat or gloves. As I sat at the gate, I sent a short email to my parents telling them I was coming home, it was snowing hard in Denver and amazingly I wasn't cold, even without gloves.

By the time I landed in Baltimore, my father had sent me an email with several memories of his time in Denver. By the time I landed in Norfolk, I had received a second email that answered all my questions from when I first got to Denver. For my posterity and your entertainment, I'll provide some snippets of that below. My editorial notes for context are in brackets.

Email #1

While in Denver, in a cold spell my car was being hard to start, so I changed spark plugs (after dark) - soon after I got back in the house, the TV weather said it was 20 below - and I wasn't wearing gloves.

But then, I was not liking to gloves. One of my jobs was at Union Pacific RR, on the loading docks where it got pretty brisk - and foreman kept insisting I get some gloves, but I was adverse to buying gloves - so they called me "pockets" because I kept my hands in my pockets when not using them.

Another young guy hired on - and he wouldn't buy gloves - so they called him "low pockets" and I became "hi pockets." One Monday they called on loading docks loud speaker "Hi Pockets, report to personnel." There was a misunderstanding about working previous Saturday - next thing I knew, I didn't work there any more (that changed my destiny).

On one of the construction jobs, I was called "little George" - our off-job friends were taken aback that I was "little George" - but a new hire named George was about 6' 6" [my father is 6'3" or so, shrinking in his old age]

One morning it was 8 degrees and we began setting rafter trusses on second story - that was quite cold in the wind. We had built a fire but had to get to working - I remember walking the top plate (second story wall) and just seeing the fire was a big consolation (knowing 'twas there if needed)

One of the coldest experiences in my life was minus 10 on the windy ski slopes - before I knew the value of (afforded) liners for my mittens. When I got back inside the ski lodge, it was all I could do to keep from crying, my hands hurt so bad.

Email #2

Just didn't get around to answer this - you know how my e-mails aren't simple - and got busy with Curt & Frankie [his brother and sister-in-law] coming. On top of time getting ready, Curt suggested I meet him at Red Cross to donate platelets. I've been thinking I should donate. They say 90 percent of local platelets go to CHKD [Childrens Hospital of Kings Daughters].

I had heard that Stapleton Airport had move way out - think they renamed it.

Seeing that big sky going from dirt to dirt is beyond words - like seeing ocean for first time (seeing ocean made my stomach giddy - like as a kid going high on a big swing)

I went to Denver with Bill & Flossie [his half brother and sister-in-law] in June '61. It snowed that Memorial day - and also around Labor day. When I got back East I then realized how short the summer is out there - at same time, came to appreciated that song line "...and the skies are not cloudy all day" (unlike the East)

I was there 2 yrs - lived with Bill and Flossie for about 16 months - finally got a room own my own at a divorced guy's house. He took me on his boat water skiing for first and only time.

From Denver, I came back to the farm - razed or renovated out buildings, built a new shelter 22 x 60 and made more improvements to farm house.

Ran low on patience and money, so got a carpenter job in Rocky Mount. Got laid off for few weeks in late winter - built room addition for Uncle Bee (Eva's house) - charged him $70 (to make him feel right)

Got called back to Rocky Mount job, but soon got uncomfortable with the way the whippersnapper "super" praised me and treated labors (Blacks) like dirt.

One morning I went to work in haste and left my prepared lunch on the table - Dad took it to the job site and found the "super" and asked if he had a "labored" named George Powell - the impetuous "super" scolded, "Don't you call him no laborer --- he's the best carpenter I got!"

Mom loved to tell story, but Dad didn't appreciate it (to him any worker was a labored - was unfamiliar with trades designations vs. unskilled "laborer")

I finally got a belly full of the super's disrespect for Blacks and his hurry, flurry mode. I had come across a 5x7 sign "The hurrier I go the behinder I get." I went in at daybreak and taped the sign over the super's desk (doors weren't locked back then) then went home. I went back on payday and got my check - somebody indicated that the super figured where sign came from (torn, it had been ripped down - and somebody had taped it back up).

With a little more than $100, I packed all my stuff in a cardboard box (just a little bigger than a file box) and told the folks I was going North to find work, but wasn't sure how far - told myself, to find a new life (where squeaky sounding small roosters don't crow).

I saw sign on Military Hwy saying ocean front - got a motel room at VB and a job that night - then a room at 24th St and Baltic for $10/wk.

After Pembroke and Malibu, the contractor started Colony Pt. apartments around Wards Corner, so I found furnished apartment at Daniels for $65/mo. [The Daniels owned the house across the street from my mother's house and that's how my parents met.]

When my orthodontics (Pearlman) were finished, I notified the draft board like a good citizen.

I really need to make my father his own blog.