Labor of love

Rich and I got home this evening, but both of us forgot to turn off the alarm. About 30 seconds later, I was standing six inches in front of the alarm looking for something in my purse when the siren went off. I screamed, typed in the four digit code to disable it and promptly burst into tears. Rich wrapped himself around me, stroking my hair and saying "shh, kitten, it's okay now" for several minutes before I calmed down.

After all that excitement, the baby was jumping all over the place as my body processed this dump of adrenalin. I curled up in my recliner (which has fast become my favorite piece of furniture ever made - I understand those who wish to be buried in theirs), put on my headphones and nestled down with my iPod to try to mellow out.

And thus my labor mix got its first trial run. I call it a success since it led to a two hour nap in the chair this evening.

Jeremy's mother said she listened to The Band's Music from Big Pink all during her pregnancy with him. Every time I hear The Weight, I think of her in a rocking chair at the farm house with him in her belly.

For your listening pleasure, I offer a sampling of my labor mix. Hopefully it will mellow you out as much as it does me. Because I picked most of these songs for very specific reasons, I'm including a little blurb about them below. But you can also just listen to them all for yourself on the OpenTape Mix - Labor of Love.

Here We Go Again - I listen to a lot of Soul Town on Sirius these days and so many of the songs please me. I imagine that each time a contraction starts up again, I'll hear Ray Charles in my head.

Can't Go Back Now - If you listen to no other song in this mix, please listen to this one. The Weepies are one of my favorite bands. Rich says the lyrics are depressing, but I like how they manage to make crappy things sound pleasant. "I can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else, but in the end the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself."

We'll Be Fine - "Don't worry about us, we'll be fine."

More Time - "Please don't worry now, it will turn around. I need more time. Just a few more months and I'll be fine."

The One Thing I Know - I had a hard time picking which Christine Kane song I wanted. But the refrain is really comforting to me.

Beautiful World - "I like to go out beyond the white breakers, where a man can still be free (or a woman if you are one)."

Into the Mystic - This was my de facto "shitty day" song to make me feel better for several months. And who wouldn't want their gypsy soul rocked?

Down in the Valley to Pray - Doc Watson's voice is wonderful. And this old gospel just could play on repeat in my head for hours and I'd be fine with that. "Come on mothers let's go down in the valley to pray."

The Lucky One - This song used to seem a little bitter to me once, but now I just see it as a light-hearted anthem. "Everything's gonna be alright 'cause you're the lucky one."

Danny's Song - "He will be like him and me, free as a dove. Conceived in love. The sun is gonna shine above."

Let It Be - This is Rich's favorite Beatles song. And this is my favorite cover of it. It's hard not to rally once you get to the second half of it.

April Come She Will - I have no cosmic reason for this song other than it pleases me.

Just Like Heaven - This is about the point I started falling asleep in the chair. When she says "you're just like a dream" I can't help but smile.

Homeless - "Somebody say huh ee huh ee huh ee." That just pleases me.

If you Want to Sing Out, Sing Out - I love Cat Stevens and this is just such a happy song. I can imagine I might want to sing out at some point in this process for some reason or another.

Also, don't forget Sunday October 4 is the deadline for this month's Living Out Loud project where you tell us all about your theme music. I look forward to hearing all about it.

In a few weeks, we may try using ADT to kick start this labor, but for now I'm happy to wait.

Sticks and stones

It's no secret that sitting in the waiting room of my OB's office has caused me some anxiety in the past. Recently, though, I thought we had really turned a corner in all of this and I could sit in peace while I waited to have a good visit with my doctor. I sat down and opened some well-worn magazine in the waiting room, hoping to pass the time. And then I heard this woman. She was the grandmother, as best as I can tell, tending to her grandson while her daughter was in the office for some checkup. I heard her before I saw her. The boy was crying the cry of an over-tired toddler who was probably late for his nap. Given the time of day, that in of itself was not unusual. But the woman was yelling at him to "shut up" as he cried.

"Shut up!" "You hear me, boy? Hush that noise!" "Go to sleep if you so tired. Just quit your cryin'." "Your momma gonna beat your ass when she come out." "I am so. sick. of. you."

The boy would stifle his cries and burrow into her arm but then start to cry again after a bit and the yelling would start up again.

Occasionally, I heard a light slapping sound as she smacked his leg to emphasize the "shut up" portion of her diatribe. Ironically, it seemed to work after about 10 minutes or so and he eventually fell asleep (or at least stopped crying) and clutched his bottle of water.

As I sat there with my back to them, I could feel my face getting hot. I waffled between wanting to rush over and pick that poor boy up to snuggle him to sleep and rolling up my well-worn magazine so I could smack the woman in the head with it why yelling that "I'd give her something to cry about."

In the end, I did neither. I could barely muster turning around to glare at her, fearing that glaring would lead to my leaving my seat and doing something that would end in a ride to the police station. And as I've said before I can't have this baby behind bars. So I just sat there, sick with anger and sadness.

I have never felt an urge so strong before to rush to the defense of someone. It was like a chemical surge with every hateful thing she said. Yet once the boy settled down, the pregnant woman next to them casually chatted with the grandmother as if nothing were wrong.

Nothing I wanted to do seemed right (or even remotely legal), so in the end, I did nothing. But those words "I am so. sick. of. you." still put knots in my stomach.

I come from a long line of list makers

Our birth instructor told us last week that by the 36th week we should have our bag packed and by the front door, just in case. I leaned over and whispered to Rich, "Um, that's Tuesday. Guess we should make a list." Fortunately, I am a champion list maker. Both of my parents are list makers as well. My mother keeps 3x5 index cards in her shirt pocket with a variety of lists on them at all times. Their bathroom mirror is littered with several lists (some woefully out of date but still there like organizational relics).

Yesterday my father left for the family farm in North Carolina to make molasses. His family has made molasses every year since his father was doing it for everyone in Edgecombe County. It's a bit of a family tradition. These days, though, it's harder and harder to make it all happen. Daddy is in his late sixties, his brother is in his early seventies and most of us kids have other obligations that keep us away (this year, my belly keeps me close to home and away from the molasses cooker).

Since the farm is not used regularly, we end up bringing every possible thing we could think of needing for a weekend. I went to check on my mother who's under the weather this afternoon and found Daddy's packing list by the computer. For posterity, I'll share it with you all.

Money, cell phone, charger, inverter Camera, batteries, memory Flashlight, big beam and charger Back belt, neck brace, knee brace, shoe under-arch pipe [the pipe is a contraption he created to help with foot cramps] Insect repellent and itch meds Umbrella and small ground mat

Acid reducer, Alka-Seltzer, Pepto-Bismol and Tums Baby aspirin and gum [both help his sore throat] Muscle relaxer, Motrin and large aspirin Tooth picks, dental floss and nail file Band aids, tweezers and hand lotion Eye drops and eye patch [not sure what the eye patch is for]

Deodorant, toothbrush and toothpaste Razor & shave brush [my father still uses a camel hair shave brush] Soap, wash cloths, shampoo, conditioner Bath mat towel Glasses, pens, handkerchief and comb Night light, sleeping pants and shirt

Belt(s) and phone case(s) Shirts, pants and shoes (work and nice) Socks and underwear Hats - summer or winter and gloves

Plastic cups and paper towels Drinks, juice or energy drinks Candy, nabs, nuts, dried fruit Beanie weenies and canned fruit

Duct tape and tie wire Spare tire, jack and flares Tools and sockets Lug wrench and pipe handle Jumper cables or jump box Bungy cord and rope Ether [usually for starting the Model A Ford that runs the grinder]

He also had a short list of items to take home with him:

Dogwood tree Acuba plant Romex Turnip seed

I have my own long and detailed list of things to bring with us to the hospital (thankfully all of which fit in a backpack), but my take home list pretty much only has one extra item on it:

Baby